In love with the revenue office (IRS)

The last few months, well since February 2009, were extremely tough in regards to our economy.  Not only the country's economy, but also my family's vault was slowly getting closer to the critical lower limit.  It is not like we were in minus (red numbers).  However, we had to adjust our spending - simple as that.  A few of my previous blogs have explored that in some detail and talked about our alternative methods of saving money.

• Going on holidays during a recession
• Changing the house during a recession
• Going Green and saving money

Every expense was questioned and some of the more luxurious items like Sky Movies/Sports were cancelled.  We even consolidated TV, Phone and Broadband, which is something that I since regret.

Despite our best efforts, we were finding it tough to stay above the void of debt, but we were managing.  Since our son was born in 2005, we had been applying for various grants to support his needs.  Every application was rejected for some reason, so we had almost given up.  We agreed to try one more time.

A couple of days before Christmas, we received a letter from the Revenue.  It stated our household income year by year since 2005.  We didn't think more of it, and filed it in the pile.

Then, on the 23rd of December, we received another letter from the Revenue Office.  I opened it and could hardly believe my own eyes.  A cheque was staring back at me and the blood was slowly draining from my head.  I couldn't believe it.  The Revenue had finally approved our application. We had received a cheque covering what they should have paid us in support since our son was born.

Sorry, but FUCK ME we were absolutely delighted and over the moon.  I can honestly say that I at that moment kissed the envelope and ran to my wife.  We hugged and laughed. We couldn't believe our eyes.

Just in case, I rushed to the bank and deposited the cheque immediately.  Christmas was saved and we could pay off our credit card debt.  You have no idea how cool that felt.  The money is gone, but it went to a good cause, and we are now relaxed again.

Go for it.  I'm sure there are tax reliefs out there that you are entitled to, but not informed of, so start applying.

Carplicity

A few years ago, during the Celtic tiger heydays, my wife and I had a bit of extra cash and we were the owners of two cars; one each...wow!  This was in fact a normal occurrence in those days, as everybody absolutely needed the extra car and it was so easy to get money off the bank.  Having more than one car per household quickly became a norm and many houses in our estate had 2-4 cars.  Now, the same households still have 2-4 cars, but now all of them are for sale, so they can pay off their debt.

We each needed a car because we were both working. We had one SUV and one old banger (Renault Megane).  It just made sense as we both had to leave the house, at the exact same time every morning, both going towards the city to work, but in one car each.  My wife was actually following me.  We wouldn't have been able to do this without two cars.  Both cars would be parked all day in the office car-park.

Public transportation in Ireland was OK 6-7 years ago, but it wasn't ideal to use buses during the Tiger days.  Do you think I'd walk 0.5 mile to the nearest bus stop from my house and 1 mile from the bus stop in town to my work?  This would mean exercise and I might loose weight and get in shape.  It's much more fun to sit in a car, in rush hour traffic for almost an hour each way!  I only had approx. 10 miles to work and there was absolutely no way I was risking my life on a bicycle.  These fecking male teenage drivers in their pimped up racer cars (Toyota Corolla probably) have no respect for bikers, and neither does the rest of the Irish automobile population. In fact, I don't think half of them should be on the roads as they never had to sit a driver or theory test.  Over here, you simply get the provisional license without knowing anything. It's like buying sweets in a vending machine.  You might sit a theoretical test, but you don't need to pass it to drive home using your provisional license.

Another reason not to ride on the metal horse was that my work didn't have any shower facilities and I don't think my colleagues would appreciate me sitting in my sweaty smelly clothes all day.

As the kids came along we soon discovered that there was no point in me driving the SUV, because my wife needed it to drop off the kids to the creches - much more comfortable than the old banger!!  So, I started to drive the unreliable wreck instead.  Thankfully we have roadside recovery included in our insurance.  Little did I know, that it would become invaluable.

One Friday evening, going home from work, my journey took me through a less attractive part of the inner city.  Like any other major City, evening time equals rush-hour traffic.  I was queuing at a traffic light and as it turned green the bloody car stalled.  It wouldn't start again, so I started to push it up on the sidewalk.  As in Resident Evil, weird creatures came out from the doorways, dragging and dangling their limbs.  I must admit, I was slightly nervous and expected them to attack me - perhaps they would even sexually abuse me while listening to the Pogues' "Christmas in New York".  But, to my astonishment, they started to help me and even started a conversation.  I had no idea what they said, mainly because of their strong inner-city accent, but also because they were half drunk.  I called road-watch and they came to my rescue almost 2 hours later, leaving me stranded on a Friday evening, in the rain.

Another time I got stuck in the outskirts of the inner-city, but this time nobody helped me push the car, so I pushed the car myself.  I was soar three days solid.

This went on for another few months and we finally agreed to sell it, which we managed to do.  I only got two calls from the new owner within 2 weeks, but the deal was done and she now owned the old banger.

So, against all odds, I was now forced to use public transportation, which actually wasn't so bad.  I could sleep on the bus, while listening to my iPod.  I'm not too sure if I snore and drool, but there's not much I could do about that as I was out cold as soon as I sat down.  It was worst when it rained.  The bus would steam up completely and all people would be soaked.

Within 2 months I bought my hog, my Vespa scooter.

Going green and saving the green stuff for a rainy day...

The recession is still chewing up companies and making people jobless, so it is time to consider how you can survive if you are next - of course I hope this is not going to happen, but you have to be prepared for the worst, there's no point be optimistic these days - or at least that's what you are being told by the news.

We have, like any other family in Ireland, been spending too much money on luxury goods and excessive traveling.  There's nothing wrong with this, but when the Government increases tax and introduces levy on farting, then every penny counts.  Furthermore, in previous years, we could survive on one salary, but this single salary was "thankfully" reduced by 10% in a company initiative - no problem with supporting the survival of the company, as we should in this day 'n age be happy that we have a job.

Preparation to my family's survival of the un-fittest, starts by watching essential programs on TV:

• Ray Meare's Bush Survival - you never know where you might end up
• Bear Crylls - surviving on elephant pee episode can save your life (can human urine too?)
• Extreme Makeover - help us rebuild our house within a week
• Ancient and Future Weapons - allowing me to build a full size trebuchet, defending the family home 
• Super Nanny - knowing what to do with wild neighbours
• Jamie Oliver - cooking food of everything and anywhere
• Resident Evil (trilogy) - simply kicking somebody else's ass
• The River Cottage - home farming at its best

So, we are all set and the Digital + receiver has been programmed to record every one of these episodes.

The first thing we looked at, is where the hell can we save money.  It's not like we have any savings to live of, but we have on the other hand managed to accumulate some debt - similar to our fellow Celtic tiger victims; debt instead of savings.  Hail the credit cards!!

Firstly, we looked at our holidays and decided to stay in Ireland this year, seeing some of the local sights and supporting the local economy by spending our money here (check the Irish Vacation series, in my blogs).  Contrary to previous years, we would only visit faraway bounty beaches, by looking at our holidays snaps.  Oh, do we wish we were there.  No need to spend money on expensive flights, hotels and fantastic excursions.

Next we look at were the money is going.  One of the biggest beneficiaries of our wealth (sort of) was Amazon.co.uk.  However, where we spend the most money, like any other family, is probably on food.  We overindulge on exotic sausages, cheeses, organic meats, designer cereals and overpriced fruit juices.  So, we decided not to shop in the expensive grocery stores, and we joined the queues at Lidl, Dunnes and Tesco.  And you know what? We saved a lot of money shopping there.  We were initially somewhat prejudiced about the people going there - you know, we felt a bit like the Beckhams having to shop in Jack and Jones instead of Louis Vutton.  But, to our surprise, people were just like us, shopping for food, and we were all getting the same products for less - saving money.
- We did invest in bulletproof windows in the car, just in case.  Carrying cash is never a problem, so nothing to steal from us, we carry credit cards instead - much easier!!

The usual suspects, of money eating creditors, is insurance companies; life, car, dog, house, travel, health, dental, scooter, loan, insurance for insurances, etc.  You get the picture, you need an insurance for everything, and if you don't have it, you are doomed.  But, we cancelled a couple anyway and merged a few others, all in good faith.  Little did we know that one of our dogs would nearly die, shortly after canceling the pet insurance.

Satellite TV, broadband, phone and mobile phones had to undergo surgery too.  So, we consolidated TV, broadband and phone into one vendor, and only realized after moving across that we would loose a lot of the channels that we normally watch (see above list), and we will have to pay more money to get these back.  There's always a catch, isn't there?  But, we still save money on a monthly basis.

But, the proudest moment in our pursuit of happiness, was creating our very own vegetable and herb garden.  Everything had to be done by us, including building the vegetable garden patch.  So, yours truly used his Jesus carpenter skills and built a vegetable patch from scratch - build it and they will come!  I brought my daughter to the local garden centre, but all we could find was Broccoli and Leeks - better than nothing I guess.  Thankfully my daughter found loads of nice flowers that we could plant too.

A few weeks later we visited another garden centre and got a few more vegetables, and strawberries, and also build our own herb garden with basil, parsley and coriander.  Brilliant.  The only problem is that it rains a lot in Ireland, so going into the garden to pick the stuff we need, results in us getting soaked.  Another, probably even bigger problem, is that none us know when to plant or harvest our crops.  So, we bought an organic gardening book.  We are on the road to getting green fingers, home grown vegetables (at some stage) and saving even more money.

My wife is allergic to bees, so there goes the bee farm idea, producing our own honey - and, I don't even like honey.  This has been haunting me ever since kindergarten, where the nuns forced a table spoon of honey into me, EVERY morning.

What's next?  Well, we are seriously considering getting chickens, but neither of us would like to kill one of the chickens for food, so they'll end up dying naturally.  And, I don't like chicken pooh on my shoes, so who is going to collect the eggs?  Our garden is not big enough for cattle or sheep, but how would you milk a cow using your Wii remote?

But, having a farm requires you to maintain it and we are not outdoor people - we are built to be inside and have oversized thumbs to better push the buttons on the remote.  We don't try anything new without doing our research in Google.  However, the TV has taught us some many valuable things. We just need to apply these in real life.  Perhaps we should just stick with the FarmVille on FaceBook?

Thanks, your ego-friendly home farmer

Kneel before the mighty flatpack

Background Story:

IKEA opened in Belfast over two years, and before then all Irish citizens interested in flatpack furniture and Swedish meatballs were forced to go to one of the UK branches.

IKEA in Belfast, is apparently the largest IKEA outlet in the United Kingdom, so when it opened in December 2007 the police had put extra resources on the roads as more than 5000 cars made their way to Bangor Road. People from Scotland, Wales, Republic of Ireland and of course Northern Ireland were travelling to Belfast on their IKEA pilgrimage.

IKEA have always been interested in opening a store in Ireland, around Dublin, but the government has always refused them to build their huge outlet anywhere in the Republic.

The general reader might ask "Why?". Well the Irish government wouldn't allow superstores to be built larger than 20000 sq2, and IKEA wanted to build more than 30000 sq2. However, the policticians probably realised the money they could gain by granting permission and they changed the planning laws to allow IKEA build a superstore here in Ireland. Voila, true capitalism rules.

BUT, a green light in Ireland doesn't necessarily mean you can proceed!! The planning process stated in 2004 and was only approved in June 2007. The government decided to spend some of their "hard earned" EU money (grants) and started to upgrade the M50. And, as long as that work was being done IKEA was not permitted to build.....Argh!!! Fool (keep Mr T in your mind when you read that word).

- A rumour has it that IKEA offered the Irish government money to complete the IKEA roundabout and exit faster, but it was refused.

Finally, IKEA started to build their huge blue/yellow flatpack box in Ballymun and announced the opening date to be 27th July 2009. People even started to queue Sunday afternoon! On the day of the opening, 3000 people enter the main doors in the first hour alone.

- they even considered the M50 commuters when planning their opening hours, to ensure that traffic to IKEA didn't cause unnecessary delays - mucka bra, my Swedish friends. Only the Germans would have outdone you and build a dedicated road to IKEA, to take the traffic away from the hot spots.

The Pilgrimage to IKEA - my story:

The day had come and we planned a family trip to IKEA, like you do, to buy some furniture for our daughter's room - and a few extra bits I'm sure. We have always agreed a budget before we enter the IKEA stores, and we always agree afterwards that the budget was too small! This time we took the same approach.

- Budget: €500

IKEA Ireland opens at 11.00 on bank holidays, so we left the house at 11.30 and arrived at the giant blue cathedral 20 minutes later. And, due to the time we arrived, the car park was "only" 80% full - keep in mind, it had only been open for less than an hour. And, because of our sons impressive hunger, and outbursts if he doesn't get food, we went straight to the cafeteria to get the mandatory Swedish meatballs.

- Personally, these meatballs are nothing compared to the Danish meatballs.

So, after lunch we cruised the showrooms, wrote down all kinds of furniture and looked at all the furniture on display. You have to admit, they surely understand how to use the space and sell their furniture ideas VERY well.

We found a few things for our daughter, but they were sold out. I asked a friendly person, wearing a YELLOW IKEA shirt that would give any normal person an instant tan, when the goods will be delivered again. To my surprise, I was told that they don't get any shipments to IKEA in Ireland, until they can fill a giant shipping container. WHAT?! So, Irish people are no better off than they used to be, waiting for weeks (normally 4-12 weeks) for furniture to arrive from e.g. IKEA UK stores.

That unfortunately meant that we didn't buy the desk or shelves as planned. Thankfully my daughter didn't know we were planning to buy this, otherwise should would have skinned us alive and screamed so loudly that the windows in IKEA would burst - all of them.

Instead, we bought goods for almost €600, more than the agreed budget I know, but it was important stuff we brought home - right? That evening I assembled the furniture we bought and our daughter was over the moon when she saw her new bed (not from IKEA, but a Danish designed HC Andersen bed).

Was the IKEA experience as expected? Well, it's a bit like eating a McDonalds burger, a burp and a fart, and you are hungry again. IKEA is great and they have loads of excellent ideas and furniture. We could spend thousands of Euros there, and probably will.

Happy shopping to all you ABBA enthusiasts and IKEA fanatics. Sweden has only produced a few memorable things to the World:

• ABBA
• IKEA
• Volvo
• Drunken longhaired Swedes in Copenhagen
• Wasa crispbread

...and by the way, Denmark beat Sweden in the World Cup qualifier. :-)

Dad, are we going on holidays?

The Celtic tiger has, if you haven't noticed, been stabbed, mugged, run over, shot and is therefore dead. Not trying to be morbid or anything, but it's a fact. The Irish economy is probably one of the worst economies in Europe (East and West), if not the worst in the Western world.

For years, most people in Ireland have had too much money and have spent it on traveling to exotic places, not only once a year, but perhaps multiple locations. I've been no different. Hey, why should we sit at home, when we can afford going to beautiful locations around the Globe, seeing sights you've only dreamed to see?

So, our kids have already, at the ages of 4 and 5, been on several long haul flights to Mexico, Dominican Republic, USA, Costa Rica and multiple locations in Europe.

The problem with this is not the fact the it might have cost you a lot of money, which was worth it, but the fact that you've spoiled your kids into thinking that we can go to these locations every year. I had to pay for this in full, when my 5 year old daughter asked me (with a smile on her face and a glimmer of hope in her eyes) when her summer school break started, "dad, can we go to Costa Rica again?"

There was no way of avoiding this question, so I simply told her that we couldn't afford it this year and that we would be traveling around Ireland instead. I just managed to extinguish the glimmer in her eyes and remove her smile, just with those simple words. My heart was in pain as my daughter's disappointment became more and more visible - to the point where a tear was building up in her left eye.

How do you explain to a 5 year old kid that you can't afford to go abroad this year, swimming with dolphins, sliding across the jungle on a wire, sailing on rivers, swimming in ocean + pool and have parties every night; not to mention all the fabulous food and ice-cream?

In fairness, my daughter understood our dilemma. I talked to her and explained that we need to save up money, so by going on holidays in Ireland, we could save up money to go on a nice trip next year. But, the important part is, she wanted to help us save money. She brought me her piggy bank and said we could save up together. Now, that made me so proud and emotional.

My little girl is growing up so fast.

So, during the summer of 2009, we will be traveling around Ireland to see some of the beautiful sights here and will blog about our adventures.

Go Obama!

It was a pleasure to wake up Wednesday morning after the US presidential elections, to discover that Obama had won - most people had predicted this already, but there was always an outside, even remote, chance that McCain would win. Imagine Palin as vice president, for the most powerful nation in the World. Just the picture of her trying to negotiate with hostile leaders, e.g. North Korea.

Obama has spread joy around the Globe and has rock star status. Countries around the World celebrated the election results, and Kenya even made the 4th November a National Bank Holiday.

What impresses me, is that he seems to be honest in his communication and he has some realistic aspirations for the US. He uses the technology available to people, such as Facebook, which he will further explorer to make it easier for citizens to keep linked in. It’s about time that a Government uses the technology, which every citizen in the World has access too.

Who cares if his middle name is Hussein and does it matter if he was a registered Muslim? This just makes him a n even better candidate to tackle the foreign policy of the US - which Bush completely destroyed (don't even get me started on the devastating impact of the Bush era).

Obama has a vision of how to bring the US forward, create jobs and provide for it’s citizens. Today we are all a little bit African-American.

- by the way, I'm sure the Irish claim Obama has Irish roots too, just like Grace Kelly, Muhammad Ali and JFK.

Selling the old banger

...and no, it is not my mother I'm talking about.

Contrary to our fellow Celtic Tiger victims, we decided that we no longer needed to have two cars.  We had been following each other around for a couple of years, going to/from work, and I was getting fed up being stuck in long queues going to work and back home again.  It was outright silly spending more than an hour each way, only covering 10 miles, and park the car in the carpark.  Honestly, that was absolutely ridiculous.  Just imagine my CO2 footprint - well that didn't have anything to do with our decision to sell the old unreliable banger.

I was leaving earlier and earlier every morning, just to beat the rushhour traffic, just to be in work on time.  Getting up early wasn't really a problem, but I refused to leave before 07.00 (am).  The earlier I had to leave, the less time I was spending with my family.  They wouldn't get up until after 07.00 (am) anyway.

Sitting in the car for over two hours every day drains your soul, and it is limited how many boogers you can find.  I ended talking to myself, having weird arguments about the other drivers and screaming along to the music.  You don't really care what the other drivers are doing, or if they are watching, as they are most  likely just as mental as you.  At times I pretended driving under the sea and watching whales going by, only to realise that I had fallen asleep queueing and I stopped the traffic.

The car, an old Renault from '98, had served its time well, but was starting to give out a bit.  It had stranded me in the weirdest locations waiting for road recovery and visits to the garage were becoming a weekly routine.  I got to know most of the blokes in the local garage at this stage and they had started to join my Facebook page - bummer!  I even became friends with the local spare parts dealer and received a loyalty card + discounts.  They robbed me blind, but the car looked great, and they wanted to be my friends!

Decision time approached and one day at lunch I placed an add on the intranet at work, hoping some poor sod would have mercy and buy my wreck.  I found the nicest picture of our car and added it - the old sales trick - and within days I had sparked interest.

A woman contacted me hoping to see the car, as she was interested in buying it, but wanted to make sure it was in mint condition.  Of course it was!

One Saturday morning, she pulled into our driveway and a very tiny and energetic man jumped out, wearing what looked like a tracksuit, resembling the Duracell bunny.  I'm no mechanic myself, so I can easily spot a fake mechanic, as he would ask the same silly questions as myself and attempt to look like a pro.

The guy shook my hand with a floppy handshake.  I knew it.  He wasn't a real mechanic.  He had soft moisturised hands, just like me, revealing years behind a computer in an office.  What a looser.  I would never do that?!

So the wannabe mechanic quickly asked for the key, inspecting it to ensure that it was a key and he unlocked the car.  This is where he took a turn, looking even more foolish, if that was possible.

He began to open and close all the doors, hoping for one of them to fall off, all while looking at me with a silly smile - muppet!  Then he jumped into the driver's seat and moved the seat forward, only to aggressively push it back again.  The steering wheel got a few pulls as well and the electric windows too.  He reminded me of the animals in the drive-through wildlife parks, when the monkeys attack people's cars, ripping off windshields wipers, antennas etc.  Bizarre and yet interesting behaviour.
- even the booth got a rectal examination, almost crawling into it to check if the light would come on when it closed.

Now, having seen him inside the car, he surprised me again, when he frantically attacked the wheels, one-by-one, pulling them back and forth while hanging onto the wheels like a smurf (except he wasn't blue, but covered in oil).  Deep inside I was hoping that he would pull so hard that a wheel actually came off or that the car would flip on top of him, but I wasn't that lucky.

That wasn't enough.  He then decided to take the banger for a spin.  He reversed and accelerated furiously out of the driveway, like in the movies, quickly shifting it into 1st gear and driving off.  I was positive that he had stolen the car in broad daylight, if it hadn't been for the woman who was buying it still standing on the sidewalk next to me.

Here's the funny bit, we were selling the car for €2000 and it was from 1998.  Not exactly a Porsche or Lexus!  But fair play to the guy for acting the part, testing the car and finally telling the woman it was a good deal.  He even said it was in excellent condition - but that was probably because I gave him all the receipts from the garage, which had as many pages as The Hobbit.
- little did he know that it had broken down only 24 hours earlier.

The buyer gave me the cheque and I gave her the keys.  Actually, she didn't get the keys until the cheque had cleared.  She picked it up from work and drove into the sunset.  Three days later, she called me asking about the immobilizer, as the car wouldn't start.  I pretended not to know her and hung up. 

Was I nervous about her ringing me to complain?  Of course not.  A deal is a deal, it was her car now, including all the technical problems.