Eyes full of sand

I've always helped out with the nightly feeds, despite how painful they might be on the body, as you are tired.  You just have to abstain from engaging with certain late night activities, such as going to the pub, drinking too much alcohol and/or staying up late to watch a movie.  It's as simple as that!  That is why many parents stay home (become anti-social in some people's eyes) during the first 8-12 months of their baby's life.  We just don't have the energy.

Monday morning was my first night feed, having spent the two previous nights trying to help my wife with the breastfeeding - and no, this is no moment to get all sexual, it is simply a matter of me helping to place the baby in her arms, so the baby can feed easily.  However, the Dolly Parton Syndrome effect on my wife is a pleasant sight at 2.30 in the night.

Anyway, I woke up at 4.45, gently lifting the little princess up and walking downstairs.  It was amazing how quickly I memorized the nightly feed ritual; coffee, blankets, remotes, baby bottle and of course the main star herself.

She was starving and I had barely seen the intro of "The Mummy" before she had finished her feed.  She savored the last 20ml, while staring around the room, as I was watching the movie.

When she had emptied her bottle, which made me proud to see, I gently placed her on my shoulder to make her burp.  Sweet lord.  This can be a scary moment for any parent, as you are not sure what to really expect.  The baby has a number of options available:

1. Projectile milk covering you, the sofa and parts of the wall  - generally anything in front of the baby
2. Enormous fart, that warms the palm of any grown man, and makes you wonder if that hurt
3. Hiccups, which in worst case could lead to option 1
4. Burping sounds, which in some cultures is a symbol of excellent food.

My daughter chose the last option, thankfully, but the sound and quality would make any teenage boy envious.  My eardrum was ringing for several minutes after that experience, but I didn't care.  I've seen "The Mummy" a few times already, so I knew the dialogue.  

The innocent little angel simply smiled, after releasing what must have been, the World's loudest baby burp.  It is a delight to share such moments with your child.  I can only imagine how amazed her friends will be at the first parties, when getting older.  After that performance, she fell asleep on my shoulder.

It is bizarre to wake up so early, mainly because you are amazingly awake.  Sitting in front of the computer at 05.30, listening to the first birds chirping and seeing the first rays of the son, is actually a magical moment.  There's absolutely no point going back to bed.  The other two kids are going to wake up soon anyway, so I might as well keep going.  

I better get going - bread is almost done baking, I have to prepare breakfast for the kid, make their lunch boxes too and prepare the next load to be washed..  Good morning, where ever you are.

Night of 1000 squeaks

The girls arrived back to the house, finally, Friday afternoon.  Amazingly, it was less than 48 hours after our little baby girl was born.  How women does it I have no clue?  Squeezing a melon sized baby out must be (and is) the most painful thing I could imagine.  Despite that, my wife walked calmly to the car less than 2 days after her ordeal and when they were released.

Perhaps walking is not the right term here.  She waddled slowly towards the car.  We waited for the green pedestrian light to come on, but we still didn't make it across the street in one go.  But, we were in no rush and I had brought a backpack with supplies, just in case we had to camp overnight.

It was wonderful to have the whole family together again, despite the hurdles we know lies ahead of us; sleepless nights, nightly feeds, diaper changes, bellybutton changes and of course the ever lasting sterilizing bottles.

Of course, most of the family invaded our house that evening, welcoming home our daughter, which is a great way of celebrating; laughter, alcohol and good company.  The house was full of joy since late afternoon and late into the night.  We should have known better!

Slightly intoxicated from the wine and beer, I laid down on my pillow looking forward to a nice long sleep.  Did I not learn from our two first kids?  Was this still a weird surreal dream about having 3 kids?

Any parent of young kids must understand that kids have no respect for hangovers or the fact that you have not had your full beauty sleep.  Well, beauty sleep would take way too long for me, and I would not get any prettier.

Having a new person in your house, especially a baby, reduces your capability of falling into deep sleep.  You know, the sleep where you fight off giant ogres, dive into the unknown abyss or simply floating in space totally relaxed.  For what ever reason, all your senses are alert and you'll hear if the baby farts, breathes slightly faster or whines a bit.

Our first two kids were born 5 and 6 weeks early, and were kept in ICU (Intensive Care Unit) for two weeks, so having our little baby home after just two days was a VERY new experience to us.

Approx. 30 minutes into my dazed journey across the plains in Never-ending Story, I was pulled back to reality, as our little baby squeaked.  Strangely, I managed to get out of bed, stood in the middle of the bedroom very confused, looking for where this new sound was coming from.  The pain shot through my shin, as I walked straight into the corner of our bed, blindly looking for our baby's bed.  I finally arrived, only to find my wife sitting with her, breastfeeding.  Like a zombie, with only one instinct left working in brain, I limped back to bed, having no difficulty returning to the adventures of Sebastian - 01.28

01.37 - My dream quickly changed, I was now being chased by Ring Wraiths, expect their screams sounded more like muffled mouse sounds.  Soon, I was awaken by a stinging pain in my left arm, and woke up with a scream, only to find my wife sitting next to me saying it is my turn to hold her.  I wonder if that was the pain Frodo felt when he was slashed with the morgul blade?  I just felt the pain from my wife's knuckles!

My zombie "skills" kicked in again, and I crawled towards the baby's bed - leg was in too much pain and I had no use of my left arm.  Using my Ray Meare's survival skills, I used my remaining limbs and teeth to get into a standing position, and grabbed the little wonder.  Quickly, as she calmed down, my heart melted just by looking at her.   01.49

This was going to be a long night indeed.  But, keep in mind, this was all new to us, so every like squeak or fart from the baby, and we would come to her rescue.  Natural parent instincts I guess, but in hind side, probably slightly over worried.  She's fine and we know it - just difficult not to react.

So, the first night of being reunited with the family, my wife and I had probably 3.5 hours sleep each.  At 06.55 I was gently woken by our oldest daughter "whispering" in my ear that she was hungry.  Wow, had I really slept for 16 minutes straight?  A new day started by making breakfast for the two oldest kids, as if nothing had changed.  Somehow, my wife managed to get another 2 hours of sleep, which she fully deserved.

No Pain, No Gain!

Big Moment - Part 2 ... continued from Part 1.

If you haven't read Part 1 yet, then you need to do so, as this will give you some useful background information in regards to the tense moment we were going through.  Just do it!  Click above link.

The amount of medical staff around my wife's bed in the delivery ward had increased from 4 to 10 within minutes of the nurse claiming to have seen the foot of the baby.  At this point, I was starting to feel slightly lightheaded and was VERY unsure about what the next few minutes and/or hours would bring.

This is not exactly something you learn in the pre-natal classes or in any "What to Expect, When Expecting" book.  You have to learn it the hard way.  Some of the nurses had just started their career, so they were equally white faced and fretting.  This in turn caused the midwife to turn into Nanny McPhee, in regards to facial expressions, causing the young nurses to panic.

While the nurses were freaking, there were 3 people looking under the sheet between my wife's legs, discussing what to do.  Thankfully, one of the senior consultants made a decision to get her into surgery immediately - no time to spare.

I was trying to help, but was constantly in the way, as I was lying in teal position under my wife's bed.  The midwife suddenly grabbed me by the neck and pulled me against the wall - "Pull yourself together man, we need everyone to be CALM!"  Then she did a summersault over the bed, and started to push the bed down the corridor towards the elevator.  Man, she was like the woman from Matrix ... expect she was old, wearing a doctors coat, nerd glasses and smelling like a chemistry.

As we arrived at the elevator, we had to wait for the fecking thing.  I was frantically hitting the button on the wall, until some clever nurse inserted her emergency lift key.  It still amazes me that we had to take the elevator to the surgery room.  Couldn't they have had the delivery ward and surgery room on the same floor?  It reminded me of the scene in "Mr. & Mrs. Smith" where they are in the elevator listening to background (elevator) music, just before the action happens.

I was dragged up the stairs by some energetic fitness freak of a nurse, not considering I haven't done any exercise for 7-8 years - other than the Wii - so my face was quickly turning red.  She placed me on some silly little bench outside the Operating Room (OR).  The OR was not even ready, so now the group of people surrounding my wife had grown to 20, including the cleaners.

An innocent anesthetics assistant was trying to give my wife some liquid to drink, but my wife made it perfectly clear that she did NOT want it.  His face went from cheerful to somewhat distraught.

The next few minutes went by very quickly - at least for me.  The OR doors were closed and locked.  I was not allowed in, simply too many people and too much pain.  However, I was at that moment in time cursed for being able to hear, and the sounds made the "Saw" series sound like Disney;  Foul language, screams, doctors raised voices, flashing lights and shadows walking past the glass door.

Out of the mist created by the warm OR, came a nurse walking towards me.  Her eyes had seen things no man should ever see, and she gently asked me if I was ok.  Of course I wasn't.  Couldn't she tell that I was an emotional wreck, biting frantically at the bench, while peeing my pants and crying?   Anyway, I stood up and smiled, "Yes, I'm ok, thanks for asking.  Can I have some water please?"

Suddenly the OR went silent, the doors were unlocked and opened.  The doctor came over to me and said congratulations.  My wife had given birth to a little girl.  I shook the doctors hand hard, but soon realised that he was still wearing the gloves he had used during the procedure!

I was escorted into the OR, where I was greeted by my wife and gave her a kiss.  Then we were handed the little bundle and I cried (again) when I looked our new daughter in the eyes.  Thankfully she looked like my wife.  Despite the ordeal my wife had gone through, she still managed to look gorgeous - even with her legs strapped to two poles.  I smiled at her and said "We did it.  Where can we get a pair of those poles for our house", and winked.  That made her laugh.

Can I just say, all this happened in less than 20 of arriving to the hospital!  My nerves just can handle this anymore - no more kids.

I was asked to go to the ward and wait.  The girls would be rolled down as soon as they were ready.  My wife was of course offered the traditional cup of tea and toast - I didn't get anything.

The nurse on the ward asked me to change the baby!  What clothes and which diapers?  In the panic and rush, my wife had grabbed the wrong bags and as a result we had nothing for the baby.  As soon as my wife arrived, I kissed her again and had to go home to get clothes - under strict orders by the nurse.

On the way home, I cried again, making my helmet all misty, overwhelmed with emotions.  It is not easy becoming a dad again.

----------- You can also read:

• Night of 1000 Squeaks - the first night with the baby in the house
• Eyes full of Sand - my first night feed

Ready or not, here I come!

The Big Moment - Part 1

The day we had been waiting almost 9 months for had finally arrived, and like the previous two deliveries, we were not ready.  Lets face it, you can never be ready for the actual moment of your child is born.  It doesn't matter how many books you buy/read, how many hours you spend on Google or how many pre-natal classes you attend, you will never be ready for the actual time.

For some women, contractions / labour can last 24 hours, but I would assume that most women "only" have contractions in average around 10 hours before the action.  This is not easy to comprehend for us men, as we don't feel pain, but it looks fairly painful.  It would probably be like getting flicked on the testicles every 3-8 minutes, according to my lovely wife!  Not sure if that explains it and not sure how she would know how painful that actually would be.  NOTHING compares to that!

According to her (our) doctor and her chart, her due date said that we still had another two weeks to go, but my wife is always early; 5 weeks early with our daughter and 6 weeks early with our son.  Why this one would come on time is beyond me.

A large proportion of our family, predicted that it'll be a boy.  And, my so-called physic sister-in-law was adamant that it was going to be a boy, and had actually used spiritual forces and a gold ring to foretell the gender - and, he was going to be born only 1 week early.  My prediction was that she was going to go on or shortly after Easter and that it would be a girl.

Wednesday morning when I was getting ready to leave the house, after the breakfast feeding frenzy of our two kids, my wife said that her stomach was a little bit sore and that she needed to relax.  It was my duty to call in cavalry, my mother-in-law who "luckily" lives nearby.  She came over to the house to lend a hand with the kids while I was at work.

Shortly before lunch, I received a phone call at work from my disstressed mother-in-law, saying that my wife was in pain and she needed an ambulance.  In the background I could hear my wife cursing like "The Exorcists" and asked if I could talk to her.  I quietly explained to her that having a baby during business hours and during the week is not really an option, and she ensured me that she was fine and just needed to rest.  Sorted!

...but no, it wasn't sorted!

Close to 15.00 (3pm) I received another call from my mother-in-law, who this time was in a frantic panicky stage, screaming "he no good, he go!".  Who the hell was he and what had happened?  After some translation in my head I understood that it had to be my wife she was talking about.  I briefly spoke to my beloved wife, and she informed me that they had called an ambulance, as her pain was getting stronger.  Oh, and by the way, the water had broken.  What water?  The shower pipe? What?

Then it struck me.  The aquarium glass had broken.  Damn it.  I had just cleaned it.  Thankfully my wife clarified the situation, and it was actually her water that had broken, meaning she was preparing to poop the baby.

My initial reaction was somewhat subdued and I was just wondering where the water had landed, and how easy it would be to clean up.  Instead of asking, I agreed to meet my wife at the maternity hospital.  While having her contractions, water breaking, keeping her in panic mode mother calm and waiting for the ambulance, my wife actually informed me that she had cancelled the horseback riding and gym for the kids!  How on earth did she manage to think of that?

Shortly after, I was driving on my hog (my Vespa scooter) to the hospital, ready to participate in the delivery of our 3rd child.  When I say participate I of course mean lending my hand and arm for physical abuse and my ears would absorb all the negative language.  The man's role in most deliveries is simple. You need to act as United Nations between two stressed and hostile nations; one side your beloved wife who hurl verbal abuse at the medical staff when they touch her and on the other side the medical team trying to assist my wife.  You need to use all your political skills to negotiate a successfully delivery.

While waiting, I was nominated the award for "Worst Timing Ever".  because I had left the office in a rush, and had waited for the ambulance, I never got a chance to go to the toilet to pee.  I Simply had to go and legged down the corridor.  38 seconds later I was back in the war zone.

Minor glitch in the overall plan - the baby was lying in a breeched position, which is not really ideal for giving birth and will often require a C-section..However, despite all the doctors and nurses best efforts to , time was not on our side and my wife was giving birth to our third child.

For you ignorant people out there, a baby is meant to be born head first, so when the nurse says "I see a foot!", then you know it is NOT the ideal delivery scenario.

...more to follow in Part 2.

Needle in a Belly

During my wife's third pregnancy she was required to have a test done on the baby, about 3 months into the pregnancy.  This "innocent"test is called amniocentesis.  You might wonder why this had to be done, since we have two beautiful kids already.  Why couldn't they pick a name for this procedure that one could actually pronounce and remember.  Well, this test is carried out on most women in their mid 30s, but especially if you have had a baby born with a disability in the past.  Our son was born with Down syndrome and my wife has past her mid 30s with a few years. So, we tick both boxes.

From what I've been told, and what I've experienced, the amniocentesis test is a VERY uncomfortable test.  In short, it is a gigantic thick needle forced into the woman's belly that is slowly moved into position to extract amnio liquids from the womb.  To make matters worse, all this is done WITHOUT anesthetics!!

We went into hospital to get this test done and I don't blame my wife from being extremely nervous.  For the record, I'm terrified of needles and will most often pass out if I'm given an injection - no matter the size of the needle.

They called us and we were brought into this little sterile examination room, which was very warm.  My wife reluctantly revealed her belly and the doctors explained (in too much detail for my liking) what they were going to do.  Again, let me reiterate, NO anesthetics.

The procedure starts with a quick scan to find the fetus and a suitable position far away from the fetus.  This in itself is almost impossible, as the womb is small and the fetus moves at this stage in the pregnancy.  The nurse found a spot and cleaned it with disinfectant. She then handed a needle the size of a drinking straw (in length) and the doctor slowly pricked the needle through the skin.

My wife (god bless her) was in agony and she was sobbing quietly.  Imagine pricking yourself on a needle, but to continue to push it into your finger anyway.  The amount of pain generated is ridiculous.  And here comes the slap in the face.  The doctor suddenly said to my wife: "You have to stop crying and lie still, otherwise we have to do it again".  Every time she sobbed a bit, her belly moved, so the needle retracted a bit and/or it could move the fetus.  Hitting the fetus with the needle would simply be lethal.

For your information, I absolutely hate needles.  As soon as I saw this needle, the size of a ninja sword, the blood drained from my head.  However, I had to be strong for my wife, as she was the one who was in real pain - I was just a wimp!  So, I was putting on a brave face to be strong for the both of us.  This is VERY difficult when you sit in a 10 x 10 room, face-to-face with a doctor, nurse and wife.  Not to mention the thousands various medical equipment in the room and a monitor right next to me.  The heat in the room didn't help either.

I refused to look at the procedure itself, as this would certainly have knocked me out. So, I was trying to look at my wife or around the room.  Looking at my wife meant seeing her in pain, which I don't like.

My eyes wandered to the left, only to be caught in the tractor-beam of the gigantic 10 inch needle being pushed into my wife's belly. It was gently pushing her flesh inwards.  I was panicking!

Forced to look elsewhere, my eyes caught the monitor which was scanning what was happening to my wife. I could again see the needle slowly being pushed through skin, flesh and placenta. Suddenly the room started spinning and the blood was draining from my head.

Trapped in a living needle nightmare!  How much longer could they possibly punish me?  Have I done something wrong in a previous life as a needle-maker?

The doctor spoke calmly, "We have to do it again.  Your stomach moved and the needle came out of the placenta".  So, the horror started all over again.

Just so you understand, in order for the needle to penetrate the placenta, the doctor has to tap on the needle top, forcing it through the placenta's membrane.

After 14 minutes of hell, my nerves were shattered. They were finally able to extract the fluids they needed and we could go home.  My wife had to take it easy for a couple of weeks, so no heavy lifting or other activities.

Pregnancy for men, third child...

The middle of 2009 was the time the fecking recession hit our family and where we had to take certain measures to reduce luxury spending. It unfortunately included traveling abroad.  So, there are a lot more staying at home evenings and short excursions around Ireland.  Nothing wrong with that, we actually have had a blast on our excursions.  So, in mid September we happily informed our families that we were expecting our third child.

So, how did family and friends react to the news - again?  Well my parents were initially excited (for the first 5 seconds of the phone call that is) on our behalf, but then my mum asked "... how do I do this on the Mac?".  You have to expect that friends and family are no longer as excited on your behalf, as with the first two, but by large they were all very happy for us even if they were somewhat surprised that we were planning this during a recession.  In my opinion, having a baby doesn't really impact the recession.

Some would say that the novelty of having a baby wears off when having kid number 2 and by kid number 3 it is just something that has to be done.  WRONG! Your wife (or girlfriend) will experience new pregnancy symptoms that she swears she didn't feel before or she might say that this baby is much better.  However, from talking to other families with three kids, the third pregnancy is for some reason worse. Everything seems to be intensified, including your wife's short-fused temper.  And on top of that, you still have to mind the other two kids!

My wife previously never really experienced morning sickness. This pregnancy ensured that my wife felt morning sickness with a vengeance.  For the record, morning sickness is not only restricted to the morning. My wife was getting sick throughout the day... (evil laughter)

As an example, I'm Danish and enjoy pork meatballs, pork chops, pork roast, pork sausages, etc.  BUT, my dear lovely pregnant wife developed a certain nausea whenever I cooked anything with pork.  This resulted in us eating couscous, shitload of pasta, fish, poultry, vegetarian food and beef.  Every time she smelled heated pork (fried, roasted, nuked, me, etc.) she almost vomited (sometimes she did).

Previously my wife would have craved and eaten anything that we had, but this time it was more controlled - for a while at least.  Her portions increased gradually during the pregnancy, but because of the busy schedule with the other two kids, she walked off most of the food quickly.  However, she developed a worrying fetish for crackers with pate, fresh lemonade and all kinds of fruits. She was eating very healthy this time.

One of the enjoyable side effects of being pregnant, well more after giving birth, is that my wife suffers from the Dolly Parton syndrome.  Depending on the milk production, the breasts swell up to oversized proportions.  Unfortunately this is for show only, as they apparently get really sensitive due to the pressure produced by the milk inside.

A less attractive side of the Dolly Parton syndrome is that your wife (partner or girlfriend) starts lactating and needs to relieve the pressure either by breastfeeding or pumping.  The latter can be somewhat frustrating at times.  While you are watching a thriller or horror movie, you all of a sudden hear this humming / buzzing / squeezing noise, only to discover that your girl is milking herself.  Nothing sexy about breasts making farting sounds. It can ruin the suspense in any movie.

After the baby was born, we had 2 hours to ourselves while all the kids had gone to bed, so we had some nice food I cooked.  We were chatting away and I was enjoying a glass of wine - ahhhh, just like old times.  But, instead of a nice dessert, my wife pulled out the breast pump and started extracting milk.  At that moment, you realise that romantic dinners will not be the same for a while.
Our freezer is full of breastmilk, and I've considered making ice-cream, cheese and other dairy products from it, but I'm not sure how our guests will react.  Also, it tastes rather funny in coffee.

During the pregnancy, my wife had to have her fluids in the womb checked.  This is test is called the amniocentesis test and is basically a needle inserted in the womb (through the belly) and the fluids are analysed.  The main purpose is to test for any chromosomal abnormalities such as Down Syndrome. The test is conducted mainly on women over 40 or if you have a child with e.g. Down Syndrome.  Our son was born with Down Syndrome, so we had to get it done... click here to read about the Needle in the Belly.

Another thing is that when a woman is pregnant, no matter if it is the first, second or third, she gets REALLY tired.  I have on multiple occasions attempted to have conversations with my wife, only to discover that she has fallen asleep and she is sitting in the sofa drooling.  Again, you love your wife for better and for worse, so I simply place a towel under her chin and let her sleep.

Despite this sleep issue, my wife refuses to go to bed before 21.00 - "Only kids go to bed before 9 o'clock news", she says.  And then she wonders why she's exhausted the next day.  In fact, I can't drag her out of bed and she does not complain about my snoring any more. She is so far away in Never Never Land that not even Peter Pan knows where she is.

The ever lasting question during our third pregnancy (please note that I said our) was whether the baby would come early like the other two, or if this one would come on time.  We just wanted the baby to be born closer to the due date this time. Our families were more interested whether it would be a boy or a girl. We didn't mind if we were having a boy or a child, but various family members started to bet early in the term.

One thing I "missed", but my wife didn't, was meeting the doctor for her monthly / bi-weekly check-ups.   Despite working with sensitive women, hormones and mood swings, he said things as he saw them.  He cracks me up, but I had to laugh inside, otherwise my wife would beat me up after the sessions.

Anyways, we were of course very excited and looked very much forward to our third wonder.

------- Suggested reading:
"Ready or Not!" - a star is born